Prohibition Pirates of the Parkway: A Peoples' History

Much like herpes, the Prohibition Pirates of Parkway trace their roots back to the very beginning of mankind. Through wars, plagues,conquests, and famines, the Prohibition Pirates of the Parkway have been a righteous force in a universe otherwise divided by religious fervor, territorial squabbling and social intolerance. Counting emperors and kings in their ranks, peasants and servants amongst their leaders, the PPoP, as they would later be known, began as the flickering light of a cave fire, an ember of hope in the Dark Ages and the blazing coals that drove men west to the Pacific. With altruistic intentions, omnipresent influence, and a gladiatorial history that would make Opus Dei crap their pants, Pirates are with us, among us, and beside us. As the stoic philosopher Seneca once wrote, "Octavian was bad, but the PPoP is bad-ass."

Pirates are responsible for many of mankind's greatest accomplishments including the wheel, the cotton gin, foot-long hotdogs, the eye patch, the bus pass, Portugal, fireworks, the Internet, naps, sneezing, and six of the Colonel's eleven secret spices. Scholars view the creation of mythology as a way to explain the PPoP's prodigious conquests, both in battle and the bedroom.

The Godfather:
Armed with a rapier wit only matched in cut and precision by his Eephus pitch, Vincent Charlemagne Bertrand founded the modern day Pirates in the spring of 2006. Forming bonds over missed opportunities and inappropriate stories, the Godfather brought organization, dedication and a commitment to honesty, excellence and achievement that still guides the Pirates as they face a new age.

The Modern Triumvirate:
As with the Roman Empire and Han Dynasty, the torch has been passed to three leaders who guide the present day squad. Master Jacob Alfonse Walter, Jeffrey Scott Francis, and Sir Edward Cooney.

Guiding Principles:

• Your teammate is your brother.
• Wherever you walk, your brothers are beside you.
• At some point, your teammate will help you get some girl to take her top off.